Life is Messy & Perfect

Life. Why are we here? What is the point?

I have lived so may “lives” in this one life. In my 48 years I have been a child, a student, an actress, a model, a make up artist, a manicurist, an esthetician, a housewife, a photographer, a mother, a victim, a prisoner, a lover. I have lived a financially wealthy life and a finacially strapped life. I have traveled the world, on private jets and helicopters, I have lived in a tiny, dark studio apartment with no windows. I have paid $700 to have my hair done and I have done my hair myself in the bathroom mirror with a box of color and some scissors. I have been married and divorced, twice. I have been locked up and kept prisoner, beaten, bruised and abused. I have a beautiful child, my everything. I have traveled to the gates of life. I have experienced astral projection. I have suffered through years of narcissistic abuse. I have been completely ignored. I have had an abortion. I considered and half-assed tried suicide. I was taken on amazing trips in private jets. I’ve owned a Chanel Suit. I was gang raped by a coworker and his group of friends. I have hidden in shame. I have stood tall in confidence. I have manifested a change in physical matter with my mind. I have risen above and walked on. I have not only survived but I am thriving. I live in abundance. I have all I need and more. I have wisdom. Not ALL the wisdom, obviously, but a sufficent amount to know that I don’t know. I am always wondering… Why? Why me? What is the point of all this.

Every day I go through the day and I wonder what I am supposed to be doing? And sometimes I forget that I have experienced so much. I am just getting through my day, looking at what is in front of me. What am I supposed to do with all this information? When I ask myself this question, I always come back to the same thing. “Kristin, share your stories!” So I started this blog, (that no one reads). Haha! But maybe one day it will help one person. And that will be amazing.

So what is the point of life? Some days this question takes me out and I get deeply sad. I mean I just don’t get it. It all just seems SO POINTLESS! But that bewildered feeling doesn’t stay long, I know that the Earth is miraculous, that we are miraculous. The meaning of life, to me, is this… We are here to observe, to experience, to pay attention. To look and see, with compassion. We are here to experience this wild & violent planet, the only one like it that we know of, teeming with life of all unimaginable sorts. We are here, to be here. Just be.

The agenda, that we have some higher purpose is, I believe, is just to keep up from being. To keep us spinning and searching outside of ourselves for some elusive meaning. It is society leaders, using up other people’s being, for their own benefit, creating wealth for themselves and leaving people empty. THAT is the disease of our times.

Observe! You don’t need to do or be anything that you are not. Your life here is a gift. A gift of existence in order to experience life on this planet. That is all. You have been given a gift. Enjoy every breath, every bug, every flower, every personal connection, every relationship. Embrace it all. It is all a gift of experience. Observe with compassion and kindness to every living thing.

That is our only purpose.

To be.

I am.

You are.

We are.


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