I asked a question to powers that be, with my inner voice. “What am I supposed to be doing? Please tell me, let me know, what am I supposed to do.”
“Just follow your heart.” I heard from inside.
“Follow my heart?! I can’t do that! I can’t trust my heart!” I thought back, without hesitation.
Whew. This hit me like a ton of bricks. What a realization. “I can’t trust my heart!” My beautiful, loving heart. My heart that would give and give and give. Love and love. Turn the other cheek. Always put others first. Do all the selfless things it was taught to do. I no longer trust my own heart. The loss. I cried at the realization.
It seems that through years, I have been following the hearts of others and ignoring my own heart. I wonder when this began in my life. What a curse to bear.
So here I am now, working on setting appropriate boundaries to protect my heart. Reconnecting with my heart. Learning to trust my heart again. Or maybe it is more accurate to say, learning to feel my true heart in the first place. Instead of trying to figure out other people’s hearts! This is a plight for so many of us who have the similar burden of a people pleasing nature. You & I can rewrite this program.
Putting others needs above your own, is not actually a good thing, as so many of us were taught to believe. The way it should be taught is this. Put your own needs in order first, be the best you can be, fill your cup, then you have the power, with all your gifts flowing, to serve others. If you just give and give, try to please and help and placate, you will not last long, you will be tapped out and your efforts will mount to nothing. Precisely because you are not here to serve an other’s heart. You MUST give to your own heart first all the things your heart is calling for. Then, in that place, you will have gotten in touch with your true gifts, and from there you can serve others tremendously. You will be using your gifts to serve others in such a way that it helps them to serve their own hearts. It is a subtle, powerful shift. One to contemplate for sure. I myself am working on this daily.
I have never trusted my own heart, or even listened to it for that matter. I didn’t even know it! I realize that now. I have been following others hearts. Attempting to do the work of other hearts. Which, actually, is impossible because only each individual can do the work of their own heart. Basically I have been depleting myself and wasting many years in futile doings of all sorts. I meant well of course! I thought I was doing good deeds for others! Haha! But, I was miserable and dying inside. I can not tell you how happy I am now, to have discovered this. It is life changing.
I have heard this all said before, for years! But hearing the words and understanding them is VERY different than living the words and walking the life path. But it does feel good. It is a subtle mind shift that has tremendous impact both on myself and those around me.
It is effort to keep checking in with my heart, I need steady reminders. I literally set alarms on my phone and when it dings, I take a moment to check my feels. It works!
Getting in touch with and learning to trust my own heart’s calling, is my current ongoing task. I am doing what I know how to do to make that happen. This includes sitting in silence, asking myself what I need to do, writing and listening. Listening most of all. Feeling the feelings. Did you know our hearts communicate with feelings? So I ask myself, about everything, how does it feel. How does it feel? Then I make my choice based on that.
I have been creating my space with feeling intention. Creating space where I feel safe. Where I feel like I love myself and am surrounded by love. I feel respect for myself and I feel I trust myself. My decisions now are made slowly, with feeling! It is truly magical, peaceful and powerful.
Our hearts and our feelings are our divine guidance system. I wish I had known this long ago instead of believing that the feelings of others were always more important than mine. Or that certain feelings were unacceptable! Like anger!
I am wiser now. I feel all the feels and follow them.